05 March 2009

Kitten in a bong

Out of all the news that could come out of Nebraska, the one story that generates so much "ink" is a moron in Lincoln who stuffs a 6-month old kitten into a bong... and then smokes it! I couldn't figure out why this story made so much noise, but after reading a few of the articles, I figured it out... the quips. You've got a cat, some pot and a moron add some creativity and you've got some fun writing. Here are some of my favorites:

The description from the moron about the previous two times he'd done this; according to the Jakarta Globe: “Every time we took her out she would pretty much just lay down and proceed to act like a stoned person,’’ Schomaker said.

You want to chill that pussy out, you got to toke that pussy up.
Samuel Jackson's blog

The dope who put a kitty in an over sized bong...
The Nebraska State Paper

MSNBC: he was hoping to calm the cat by smoking him into submission.

WSFA has got several good ones: deputies who eventually arrested the man weren't initially called to the scene to rescue the imprisoned furball turned furbong.

Shadow probably would've been higher than any tree she could've ever imagined climbing.

The L.A. Times: Bet the judge asks him, "Dude, what were you smoking?"

stuff.co.nz: Police discovered Schomaker's attempted feline freakout

Gizmodo: It presumably ate a shitton of cat food when it got there (to The Humane Society).

The Insider Shoemaker said Shadow was hyper following the rendezvous withe fuzz,

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